long time no text post

everything’s changed and then in an instant you’re back where you began

i cant lie and say that there isn’t something so satisfying in relapse

a culmination of perseverance flushed down the toilet in a single moment 

part of me wishes i was relapsing on drugs……

although that would require me to stop using

….a different kind of addiction

constantly fluctuating - reality - dreaming - thoughts - circular  thoughts - panic

  i know the best  way to make it all stop

post indulgence; deep breathing and euphoria

then clean up - usually the floor …. the tub…. the blood …..